As the holidays approach, parents are often strapped to come up with affordable gifts for their kids. Keep this in mind – our kids want presents, but they also want our presence. Below are 10 gifts you can give your children that don’t cost a cent but that can have a significant impact on them, potentially for the rest of their lives.
- Your undivided attention: This one is trickier than it sounds these days, with so many distractions and urges to multitask in our kids’ presence. But putting down our devices and directly looking at and listening to our kids can go a long way towards making them feel attended to and important.
- One-on-one time: For parents that have more than one child, you might prioritize a couple of one-on-one occasions each month. This gives you the opportunity to listen to, bond with, and really enjoy the company of each child, without interference from the others. You can call it something as simple as “Mommy-Isabella special time” or “Daddy-Kai time.” Be sure to plan for it and express your interest and excitement in approaching this solo time with your kid.
- Laughter: So much of parenting is task-focused. “Get ready for school.” “It’s time for bed.” “Did you do your homework?” “No more screen time.” Often, moments of laughter and joy and ease get deprioritized in the shuffle. Introduce humor into your everyday interactions and see if you can add more levity with your child by telling jokes, watching comedies, sharing a funny story, etc. In addition to being fun, laughter can defuse tense situations and can have a stress-relieving impact on our bodies, with frequent laughter lowering the incidence of anxiety and depression and increasing happiness. Having an inside joke with your child can be an especially salient gift.
- Validation: This is arguably one of the most important things we can do for our kids. Acknowledge their emotions and experiences. Tell them it makes sense that they’re feeling a certain way. Don’t try to convince them out of their emotions or jump right into problem solving. Be sure to witness and validate their experiences first.
- Apologies: Thankfully, we’ve arrived at a time when parents are willing to apologize to their kids. With parenting, we inevitably make mistakes and can cause hurt to our kids. What we do next can set the stage for really important lessons learned. If you make a mistake or lose your patience or raise your voice, own what happened. Take accountability. Apologize and express your plan for doing things differently in the future. Repair can go a long way toward mitigating harm. Apologizing to your kids also models this behavior for them so that they’re more likely to take accountability regarding future interpersonal harm.
- Affection: Are you comfortable hugging and kissing your kids, caressing them and holding them? The reality is that humans benefit from physical comfort. It’s soothing and regulating and can help demonstrate our love for them. If this feels uncomfortable to you, maybe because your childhood didn’t include much affection, note that it might get easier with time and repeated exposure.
- Non-judgment: The world is rough for kids, especially these days, with demanding expectations, social media, and current events. Be a steady, accepting presence in your child’s life. When they come to you with a story about what happened, an idea, or something upsetting them, listen without judgment. Accept them for who they are. There’s so much judgment and criticism and attack in the world right now. Be a lighthouse for your child, your steady presence guiding them with acceptance and non-judgment. Plus, the more nonjudgmental you are with your child, the more likely they are to share with you and come to you in times of need.
- Consistency: When it comes to helping kids feel safe and secure, predictability is the name of the game. Kids do best when they know what to expect. Things like routines and structure are helpful at offering consistency and alleviating anxiety. Parameters and boundaries, too, are important for kids. They feel safer knowing what to expect and realizing that you, as the parent, have things under control.
- Honesty: Tell the truth to your kids. Obviously, you don’t have to share personal/private information and they don’t need to know the details of everything, but you can try to be honest wherever possible. Share age-relevant information. If a relative dies, communicate this honestly. If you make a mistake (see above), tell them instead of trying to cover it up. If you have information that impacts their identity, be honest about this too.
- Verbal acknowledgement: Besides “I love you,” regularly tell your kids something you like about them. Be specific. Tell them what you like, appreciate, respect, and admire about them. Kids who receive this kind of input become adults who think and feel positively about themselves. Remember that you are the architect of your child’s self-esteem. This is no small job.
We hope you enjoyed learning about these no-cost gifts for kids this holiday season. With everything so expensive these days, it’s helpful to remember that some of the greatest gifts we can give our kids are free. Leaning into presence, validation, and approval can have a priceless impact on their development.